My Hidden Costs of Depression


Having depression can be expensive. Psychiatrists, therapists and medication costs are just the beginning for me.


Damn you credit cards. Whether I’m running a balance or planning to pay it off in full, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been late with a payment. Not because I don’t have the money (I only charge necessities), but because logging into my computer takes effort. Those of you with depression will “get” this. It’s always, “I’ll do it tomorrow”.

And yes, I know about setting up automatic payments,  but that would take energy, right?


I used to be really good about subscribing to something and then cancelling before the free trial was up. Not anymore. If only this energy to join something could be transferred to paying my credit cards on time.


This one is a viscous cycle. There are times when my mailbox sits full for weeks. I’m waiting for the day the mail carrier sends someone to do a wellness check on me. When I finally get the mail, I’m afraid to go through it, fearing any bills that might be outstanding. If it weren’t for setting up automatic payments for my utilities years ago, I’d probably be sitting here in the dark with no running water.


I love my library card, I really do. But I just can’t check out one book, I need an entire armful. I try my best to renew them online if need be, but again, that energy thing. Last week I owed $10. Could’ve bought one of the books.


When I actually go to the grocery store I have the best intentions. When I get home it takes every last bit of energy to put things away. I’ve had rolls of toilet paper and paper towel sit on my kitchen floor for weeks. And that fresh food? Goes bad in the fridge because it’s easier to heat up a can of soup or order delivery.


Anyone that knows me will tell you that I pride myself on getting a good deal. I used to have an entire “coupon keeper” and would never leave home without it. I would make trips to stores based on sales they were having. In was almost like a game and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Past tense. I haven’t clipped a coupon in years and that bothers me.

I would shop year round for birthday and Christmas gifts. Nothing gave me more satisfaction than finding the perfect Christmas gift for someone in June. And on sale? Jackpot!


Since my diagnosis has been changed to bipolar II, my meds are in the process of changing. I don’t want to jinx anything, but I’m starting to see a positive change. I’m looking forward to the day when I head out the door with a smile on my face,  coupons and library books in hand.